My Present Condition

Today the 30th of March 2010, I, Avinash am having the worst mindset. My professional life is in such a situation which I myself cannot describe what is happening. I am being used as a buffer resource as of now. Some lead comes and tell me to do some code maintenance, another lead comes and asks me to help him in documentation, and another lead comes and tell me to help her in fixing some of the review comments she has received for her wireframes and my own team lead comes and tell me to get myself inducted to another module which he is only handling. In the mean time my new manager comes and tells me to help the leads. What I am exactly doing? I am in a state of mind which is literally out of my handling capacity. As my friends keep telling I have very loose tongue, I am getting afraid of my weakness in this kind of situation. I am controlling myself from not talking anything when my mood is bad. But I am afraid when I will lose control and let it go free. I have had very bad experience with my friends because of my weakness and I really do not want that to do something in my professional life also. Here the situation is like if you tell you are not satisfied with your work to higher authorities then that will be the last peaceful day you will have in this company. A girl from our own team asked for a release from the team and that news got so much hyped that she still keeps cursing everybody. She was put into one of the toughest modules and was told to familiarize herself with the functionalities in very small amount of time, later she went to SPM and apologized and came back to our own team. After coming back she was treated as a tester and was told to prepare some test cases and after few days she was released from our team and went into some other team. This is one of the worst possible states we will be put into if we open our mouth. In such a critical situation a person like me is facing lot of difficulties to handle. One more thing is the rapport between the manager and one of the leads is very bad and when manager asks me to bring that lead and that lead tells me he is busy and he cannot come what the hell am I supposed to do in situation like this? I cannot go to manager and tell him that the lead is busy that will be like some cheap act of complaining. I am totally confused but the bottom line is I am not satisfied with my present condition.

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